Esteemed readers I apologize for my lack of blogging as of late.
Work's been insanely busy. And yes, I still love my job. I work with great people who make work alot of fun, with alot of learning involved.
I made it through "hell week" of my EMR course. 18 chapters in 5 days - usually it's done over a course of 6 weeks. Ridiculous - but I made it. I now have 6 weeks to do four chapters and a couple of assignments. The assignments are done and I'm done half my chapter work - I'm in the money. Then alot of skill tests. I'm getting more comfortable now with the whole process. Hopefully it's worth it in the end.
Ok so after just demolishing my laptop (and repairing it myself) I shall continue. I have been struggling alot lately with a few different things. Forgive me again readers if I overlap from my last post but I didn't read it beforehand and this is coming to mind.
I have spoken to my Chief about this as well as the Assistant Regional Chief of the county so this shant be news to either. I have struggled with things since the accident involving myself and my fire department. Not necessarily the department itself, but the other member of the department whom was driving the vehicle at fault in my collision New Years Day. I hate the fact that I could end up on a call with him, on the end of a hoseline trusting my life to this person or him running the pump and my being on the end of a hoseline. I don't think it's unnatural by any means. I mean, how could I possibly trust him ever again? I can't. I won't. There's no way. I have struggled with this for four months now and I can't honestly say there isn't a day I don't think about the whole situation. I LOVE MY department and don't think it's fair I should be forced to deal with the thought of leaving. That isn't fair to me. (of course readers I know life isn't fair but suck it up - this is part of my therapy). I have worked TOO hard to get where I am (which by the way I got my marks for my 10-01 Level 1 last week and I got 83.. woot) to just let it go and switch departments. But it is a very real possibility and it weighs heavily on my mind. I have already been told I would be accepted onto a neighbouring department with open arms and that is a comforting thought that I wouldn't have to leave a profession I love so very dearly but it feels like a betrayal in my eyes. I never in a million years thought I would be faced with such a decision and I flop back and forth on it. For right now I'm staying with my department that I love so very much because I honestly am hoping that he will resign - or be excused to be polite. My shoulder has been bugging me for the past few days and everytime it's a reminder of what happened and I get angry, so angry again. I'm sure this too will pass but for now, it's right there on my mind. Again and again.
My meds have been helping specifically with my flashbacks, but I can't say I feel 100%. I know I need to get into my doctor and get into specific therapy but it's just so difficult with both Darren and I working opposite shifts and everything else going on in life. I am not shameful that I need help nor am I angry about having to ask about help but I just need to suck it up and bring myself to take the second step.
Mitch has been an absolute handful lately but we're working on getting him into more routines and getting back in full contact with Neuro in Calgary. We FINALLY got an appointment with his new neuro in May and I'm very excited to see where we go from here. Months ago (I believe in October if memory serves me correct) I made the call to ask for surgery to be considered an option for Mitchell. Although it may seem scary to a "normal" parent, to me it seems to be an ideal treatment this early for him. He will lose less, learn more and be given a bigger chance at leading a normal life. There are times I forget that he is differently abled because of the lack of contact at times with Neurology and the rest of the clinics in Calgary. But now, it's seeming to be better. Hopefully this gives us hope - one way or another. I have been told he would be a candidate for surgery so I'm glad to know that little tidbit of info. When I know more readers, you will too. I promise.
Sorry for the longwinded post but it has been a while in my defence and I thought you might like to know where my life is at right now :)
Thank you all for reading tonight!
momma war
